I've linked to this excellent post by Issendai - everyone should read the entire post and the comments - but here are the basic steps to creating a sick system (or recognizing that you're in one):

• Rule 1: Keep them too busy to think.
• Rule 2: Keep them tired.
• Rule 3: Keep them emotionally involved.
• Rule 4: Reward intermittently. How to do that? Well, you:
  • Keep the crises rolling.
  • Keep real rewards distant.
  • Establish one small semi-occasional success.
  • Chop up their time.
  • Enmesh your success with theirs.
  • Keep everything on the edge.

Think of a job you've hated - and hated so much that it sapped all your energy. Think of a bad relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Think of the acquaintances who turned out to be not just less-than-supportive, but who kept you running after them seeking their approval. Think of the family member you most dread seeing at holiday gatherings. That's a sick system. We've all encountered them firsthand, though the most fortunate of us have only been glancingly involved and / or disengaged ourselves quickly and firmly.

Be aware of what you're doing, and why you're doing it. Periodically re-examine your decision to shop at Store X, or work at Place Y, or associate with Person Z. More often than not, you'll find that, yep, you want to keep shopping there. You want to keep working there. You want to stay friends with that person. But occasionally...you'll look around and wonder, "How the hell did I get into this hole?" That's when you need to back out, back off, and figure out if you got there because you put yourself there or because someone or something else is keeping you there.

People do not often set out to set up sick systems. Most people are just not inherently machiavellian enough. The start out wanting to just survive: sell a product, do a job, get a paycheck, what have you. They may become the leader or prime instigator of a sick system because they are not aware of what they are doing, and do not stop to think how their actions affect others. They just keep getting deeper and deeper in. They may look around one day and say, "...oh shit, how did I end up doing this and thinking it was okay?!??" By that point, they may honestly think that there's no way out of the situation that they've created for themselves, and so they'll get very defensive.

There's always a way to stop a sick system one has created, though it isn't at all easy or comfortable: stand up, say "I have to stop for a while, this is getting out of control, I need to regroup and get better prepared" and then deal with the loss of income / loss of social standing / lost investments of time and money. Then, when you're better equipped to do whatever-it-is without hurting others, come back and start again. This happens to everyone at some point in their life. And far too often, instead of doing the hard thing, the honest thing, the thing that we're taught to do as children...we do the easy thing, the "workable" thing, the thing we're taught as adults - taught by example if not overtly: if no one sees it or can prove it, it didn't happen and it won't matter. And we leave everyone else to take care of themselves, even if we're partially responsible for something that's happened to them.

We're not taught to recognize sick systems, I think, because 1) it's assumed that everyone's going to be honorable and honest and responsible, so we won't need to know to watch out for dishonorable, dishonest, irresponsible persons or situations; and 2) honestly, it serves those in power to keep most people ignorant of how to recognize when they're being ill-used. This isn't just a tool for selling products, it's a tool for manipulating individuals and entire societies.

Know when you're in a sick system, and know how to get out cleanly. And share this information with as many people as you can.

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